Emotional dumping

 

Emotions play a greater role in our lives. Our emotions affect our actions positively or negatively; we must learn how to process these emotions. When processing these emotions, you will either get frustrated or will be satisfied, and that depends on whether you choose to vent these emotions in a healthy way or use emotional dumping.

This article is all about emotional dumping, what it is, how it affects our relationships, and how one can deal with it. So, let’s get started.

What is Emotional dumping?

What is Emotional dumping? Emotional dumping means when you dump your emotional burden on someone without his/her consent.

Emotional dumping meaning

Let me explain emotional dumping meaning with a proper definition:

“Emotional dumping is used as a way for people to escape from taking any responsibility for their actions, circumstances or state of the relationship. It is also a way to deflect the real issues at hand, as a way to protect themselves from coming into and embracing a vulnerable state.”

Emotional dumping vs. venting

Venting means expressing your feelings and thoughts in a healthy way. There are two people involved; one is a listener, and the other one is a processor. Venting works and brings positive results if the vent is heard by another person. Active listening is necessary here, and if the listener is not supportive, this experience can be awkward and can alleviate stress.

So how can we explain emotional dumping vs. venting? Venting is healthy; on the other hand, emotional dumping is a toxic form of venting. When you emotional dump someone, you are not aware of your own emotions; Moreover, you are also not aware of the emotional state of your listener. It does not involve the listener’s consent, but in case of venting, the listener is there to listen to you. Emotional dumping is only about the processor, and there is no respect for the listener’s boundaries; it is like stealing the energy and time of the listener. Venting brings long-term positive results; on the other hand, emotional dumping may feel cathartic initially, but according to research, it can exaggerate your negative and angry emotional state instead of giving you comfort.

Emotional dumping psychology

Emotional dumping psychology is not very complicated; it resides in your personality mainly because of your childhood traumas. How does it look like? Or how it will appear in your behavior? Let’s have a look at these:

• Being defensive
• Being avoidant and do not take personal responsibility
• Inconsiderate of other’s energy, time, and capacity
• Always playing the victim card
• Blaming others
• Not opening up for solutions
• Resistant to other’s perspectives and opinions
• Occurrence of the same problem again and again in a cyclic manner
• Instead of expressing underlying emotions, ruminating on a triggering event

Is Emotional dumping toxic?

Is Emotional dumping toxic? Emotional dumping is highly toxic, but it feels good initially. It could be because of childhood attachment patterns. These patterns are coping strategies that you have learned during childhood to feel secure and safe in a relationship with your parents. Emotional dumping may have been incorporated into your personality when you were an infant and interpreted as an experience of intimacy.

Emotional dumping narcissist

Emotional dumping is no doubt characteristic of a narcissist. As a person who is an emotional dumper is usually self absorbed and does not care about others. An emotional dumping narcissist just like that would rant about what happened to him even if it was not that bad. Even if it was his or her own fault, he or she still would act like a victim.

Emotional dumping spouse

In a marriage, emotional dumping a spouse can make things difficult. Emotional dumping can decrease intimacy in a marriage which is important. It is because the emotional dumping spouse is unaware of the other partner’s thoughts and emotions. His or her actions may feel intimate, but that is only for a short time; in reality, these actions keep people at a distance, mainly called defenses. It is a coping mechanism to protect the parts of yourself that you want to protect from others. Often these are parts of us that we think if others see will make them abandon us.

In light of defense and attachment patterns, learning to identify when you or your spouse is emotionally dumping instead of venting may be important in building safe, intimate relationships.

Emotional dumping in relationships

Relationships are very complicated. They need constant work from both partners. But if only one partner is willing to give their time and energy to this relationship, it can have a negative impact on the relationship. Emotional dumping can further weaken a relationship. So, you need to avoid it at any cost. If you or your partner use emotional dumping as a strategy to deal with depression or stress, you have to work on it in order to make your relationship successful. It will not be easy, but it is possible. You can always make your relationship better.

So if you or your partner are facing emotional dumping in relationships, here are some suggestions for you:

15-Minute emotional dump

The 15-minute dump is actually what it seems like. It’s restricting your existential crisis to a manageable time span for your partner’s psychological well-being. It’s picking a time period daily to rant, yell, cuss, huff and puff and let out all the crazy (whatever makes you happy) and come to peace with the emotional and mental traumas you have dealt with that day. The catch is the point at which your time is up, you leave it, change the subject, and you and your partner both attempt to focus on things that are more positive and more important. Relax, and it is simple.

Friends

If these 15 minutes are not sufficient for you to unload the emotional burden you are carrying, look to your closest friends to discuss what’s been happening with you the whole day. Make some organized time and a repetitive date each month to talk about your stressors and get some much-needed empathy, sympathy, and suggestions from them. The key is to meet consistently (in person or virtually), so you can anticipate a chance to discuss what’s annoying you. Not knowing when or where you find release can add to the stress and anxiety you are already carrying.

Family for rescue

If you feel like what you have on your plate at a time is a lot to handle and a little group of friends is not enough for you, share with different relatives about different issues and spread out your tension. If your mother is especially sympathetic, your sibling is extraordinary at pumping you up, and your grandpa is an incredible listener, converse with every individual with regards to an alternate issue and let them each help you in their own particular manner. Use every platform out there that can make it simple to connect with one another, whether it’s a text chat on the way home, phone call, or facetime. Set aside some time to take advantage of various features of your emotionally supportive network to diffuse your psychological bomb. It makes it reasonable for everybody, and it will permit you to protect your relationships for a long time.

A fun date

An extraordinary method to de-stress is by integrating a fun activity with a short therapy session. This may be finishing your hair or nails and talking with your beautician or manicurist about the latest trends and fashion. Meeting up for a basketball or golf game or yoga may be one more approach to meet friends and blend verbally, releasing pressure while actually captivating in a movement that helps you unwind.

Seek help from a professional therapist

Taking help from a friend or a family member is good but not always helpful. In the event that your stressors are not getting better and causing uneasiness (and let’s face it, no disgrace, this is a ton of us!), seek help from a professional therapist. A therapist, psychologist, psychiatrist, or couple counselor are excellent options to deal with the stress you have. They can help you in dealing with your emotional and mental traumas. Interestingly, a significant number of these services are currently accessible online. So you can have a meeting progressing on your telephone or your PC. Indeed, some of these alternatives might be expensive. However, nothing is worth more than your emotional well-being and being simply the best form of you, your family, and every one individual that loves you. CLICK HERE GET SUPPORT NOW

Emotional dumping boundaries

Do you always feel like you are on receiving end of emotional dumping? It might be time for you to set healthy boundaries. Boundaries restrict the amount of energy, time, or space between you and someone who uses emotional dumping. They are direct, clear, and can differ in terms of flexibility.

Setting healthy boundaries helps in protecting emotional well-being and energy. But these boundaries are also useful to the person you are setting these with. They can reflect on the person who might be unaware of their emotional dumping tendencies.

Setting a boundary requires you to be aware of your own needs, energy, and what you will and will not allow. For many people, setting a boundary can at first feel mean or selfish, especially when another person is in distress. Additionally, setting a boundary can be useful in building confidence and self-esteem that can eventually help in facing emotional challenges.

If you are not used to it, you might need some practice for emotional dumping boundaries setting. Here is how you can start:

If you have to set a limit, you can say:

“I really care about you; you know that, but I do not have much time for you right now. I have 15 minutes for you, would that be enough for you?

If someone starts emotional dumping without your consent, you can say:

“I am not feeling like listening to you right now. It would mean a lot if you could ask me if I am available for listening to you I will be available later.”

If you cannot offer support to someone, you can say:

“I understand that you are hurt and want some support but I am really sorry I don’t have space to listen to you right now I am sorry.”

Emotional dumping friend Reddit

Here are some Emotional dumping friend Reddit suggestions for you:

• “Not really, but I’ve (I’m embarrassed to say) done it to others. They never told me to stop, but they certainly spoke to me less. I probably would have stopped sooner with clear communication. I’ve mostly repaired the relationship, but I feel awful for it – the only person that should hear me spout useless emotional drivel is my therapist. At least they’re getting compensated for it.”
• “Slowly distance yourself – simply peter out, until the friendship dies. I did this twice and it is surprisingly effective. Don’t feel bad either – you’re not a professional counsellor, and it’s ok to put yourself first. This is coming from someone who was emotionally draining, realised it, and started to take my medication and attend counselling, to correct this bad habit.”
• “Yes, it was exhausting to say the least. It was going on for few months and despite me asking kindly to not talk about specific problems she were always on about.. day and night… She kept going back to it everytime, eventually got to a point where I got mad, and decided to completely close this theater. This was the first time I actually ended whatever kind of “friendship” that was.”
• “Yes, I met a guy and started to be friends with him only to realize very quickly that he’s the kind of people who only talks about his problems and never listens or changes the subject when you talk about something yours that is important, so I stopped caring and trying to give him advice, started telling him his truths and eventually he stopped telling me things.”
• “I grew up extremely co-dependant and was the one that people leaned on. It became my identity and my mental health was a sinking ship. I had to put firm boundaries in place… And then uphold them if they weren’t respected. People sometimes see boundaries as “ultimatums,” but they are aren’t put in place to change someone’s behavior. Boundaries are about respecting your limits and protecting yourself.”
• “The other way around for me. I used to dump all my problems on two friends: Julian and Abi. Julian cut ties with me and I cut ties with Abi after realising I was toxic. She kept on offering to be my vent still and I feel like I should explain why it was bad but I don’t know how to.”
• “I’m dealing with the same thing with my dad. He’s a nice enough person but he overshares about his random childhood trauma or complains about family members to me a lot in a way that has been stressful and upsetting. He can be very negative at times and some things he’s said has actually messed me up. A lot of people in this thread have been like “I just cut them off,” but you can’t really do that with family.”
• “I was so exhausted I eventually told her I did not have the emotional energy to deal with both her problems and my own. I started to set boundaries about when I would pick up the phone and how long we would talk. Thankfully, she took it well.”
• “You have to tell them that as much as you care about them, you can’t help them the way they need. Tell them to get help if they haven’t. Tell then you’ll be friends but for your own mental health you can’t handle the super heavy stuff.”
• “I have been this to a lot of people and a lot of times from the same person. I’ve either told them I can’t deal with this I have my own stuff. Or I hate to admit this, but I just stopped talking to them out of the blue. Basically ghosted them.”
• “I’m not out of it yet. I reached out to her to make sure she was doing alright and the conversation has not stopped since. I truly have no idea what more I can do for her because clearly nothing I’m doing is helping if she’s still in the state she was before.”
• “I was the guy everyone came to for advice. Only two times have I ever truly got out of it. Once was snapping with “You don’t really want my help; you just want to complain!” and another I had to cut out completely and ignore their calls because they were trying to drag me into situations that were going to lead to legal trouble from her controlling and overbearing family. Most though just leave after using me.”

Emotional dumping Quotes

Here are some of the best emotional dumping quotes:

• “Venting every feeling isn’t mature. Learning to deal with uncomfortable and unpleasant feelings is an important aspect of maturity.” Laura Schlessinger
• “I think there is little harm in venting here and there about things, as we are all human, and it is good to express emotions.” Michelle Gielan
• “The effect of emotional venting is to sustain an unsatisfactory status quo. Most people think the opposite, that complaining is part of an effort to change an unsatisfying situation. Nope. Complaining lets off pressure so that we neither explode with frustration nor feel compelled to take the often risky steps of openly opposing a difficult person or situation. Keeping emotional pressure tolerably low doesn’t change problematic circumstances but rather perpetuates them.” Martha Beck
• “When you are in deep distress and cannot restrain some expression of it, sit down and write out a harsh letter venting your anger. But don’t send it.” Donald T. Phillips
• “Too quickly, venting can turn into dumping garbage on the people around us.” Michelle Gielan
• “Did you ever have a conversation with someone who misunderstood everything you had to say? It’s exhausting, and the ironic part is that the more you try and explain yourself, the more mixed up things become. Your best friend knows when you’re kidding, venting, and tired. He or she knows you and therefore doesn’t read into the things you say.” Francois Mauriac
• “Did God really say that I couldn’t tell my friends what so and so did yesterday? Does that really count as gossip? No, it’s just venting, and venting is healthy right? Wrong! We are supposed to think about the things that are praiseworthy, not gossip worthy.” Heather Hart
• “And for the first time in hundreds of years, the night came alive with the music of dragons.” George R. R. Martin
• “I feel a real need to observe a level of propriety in what I’m handing out. Instead of me just venting or spilling my guts, I’ve got to consider how it’s going to affect people. How it’s going to affect me, as well. Because it’s like a cycle.” Eric Clapton
• “How many voices have escaped you until now, the venting furnace, the floorboards underfoot, the steady accusations of the clock numbering the minutes no one will mark. The terrible clarity this moment brings, the useless insight, the unbroken dark.” Dana Gioia
• “There was something peculiarly gratifying about shouting in a blind rage until your words ran out. Of course, the aftermath was less pleasant. Once you’d told everyone you hated them and not to come after you, where exactly did you go?” ― Cassandra Clare, Clockwork Angel
• Social media has created a legion of social delinquents, billions of people speaking not their minds but their spleens, venting everything from the gum-cracking snark befitting a hair-twisting mallrat to the froth-flecked rage of a bell tower marksman. – Author: Steven Weber
• Thus the essence of freedom of opinion is not in mere toleration as such, but in the debate which toleration provides: it is not in the venting of opinion but in the confrontation of opinion. – Author: Walter Lippmann
• “Catharsis THE MISCONCEPTION: Venting your anger is an effective way to reduce stress and prevent lashing out at friends and family. THE TRUTH: Venting increases aggressive behavior over time.” – Author: David McRaney
• “At this table, a loud voice was just a man venting his stress. A quiet one was far more dangerous.” – Author: Tom Clancy.
• “How many voices have escaped you until now, the venting furnace, the floorboards underfoot, the steady accusations of the clock numbering the minutes no one will mark. The terrible clarity this moment brings, the useless insight, the unbroken dark.” – Author: Dana Gioia

Conclusion

Emotional dumping is toxic, and it can ruin your relationships. If you are the one who uses emotional dumping, you need to work on your coping mechanisms in order to process your emotions healthily. But if someone else uses you to dump their emotions, you need to work on your boundaries. It will not be easy if you are new to this. You can always take help from a professional therapist or counselor in order to work on your emotions or to get help regarding setting healthy boundaries.

So, this was all about emotional dumping; I have tried my best to share useful information with you hope  you will find it helpful.

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